4/26/25-A Disappointing Year

I don't know what the actual date I was diagnosed with cancer.  I probably should.  But its been basically a year since I was diagnosed with cancer.  And I've wasted the year.  I'm disappointed in myself.

I have had many times in my life where I wanted to get get healthier or eat better.  Or exercise more.  But I always have said I will start next week after I finish my bacon cheeseburger and fries.  Or I'll get on a better workout program next month.  

But I never did.

Then I got cancer.  You think that would have been a wakeup call to finally change my ways and try to get healthier.

But then I would think about the fact I'm dying anyway so why shouldn't I enjoy a piece of pizza or french fries?  So I would eat them even knowing that I should try to eat better to help fight the cancer.  Or maybe I should go in on some of the holistic strategies to fight the cancer.

Cancer should have been a wake up call.  I should have made some changes to my life to be healthier.  But I never did.  Now a year has passed and I'm basically right back where I was, physically the same, actually probably a little worse.  My diet is not great.  My weight shows that.  I'm not really exercising now.  And I'm definitely not doing anything that might help fight the cancer.

That leaves me feeing disappointed.  I should have spent this year trying to get healthier.  To use my own body to fight the cancer.  But I fell back into the old habits, trying to enjoy the time I had left.  I found myself just waiting for bad news, waiting to die.

At one point my oncologist said that I probably had a year or two left.  If that's true, I have wasted one of those years.  But, to be honest, I don't think that's that is the time frame I need to be set on.  Deep down I do believe that I can extend that time, but only if I figure out a lifestyle that allows me to get healthier while still allowing me to enjoy my time on Earth.

4/20/25-I Miss Getting High

Did I get your attention with the title?

Today is 4/20 day, a day when people celebrate the day by getting smoking special herbs for some reason.  I'm not going into my feeling about this because I don't want to debate the issue.

What I am going to talk about is my history with vices.  I don't know if this is hard to believe, but I have never smoked a cigarette.  I have never done an illicit drug.  I don't even like taking medicine when my doctor tells me to.  My history with alcohol is actually very limited-maybe a beer or two a year-and I can count the times I was actually drunk (my Navy days) on one hand and have fingers left over.

I don't hold anything against people who use alcohol or smoke cigarettes.  It's just not something I have chosen to do in my life.

But that doesn't mean I didn't have my own personal vice.  For years I exercised daily.  I delt with sore muscles and exhaustion. I spent money on gym memberships and running shoes.  I researched places to run and read books on human physiology.  I even got my degree in kinesiology so I could understand the best way to exercise.

Why did I do all of this?  There is a feeling, when you workout really hard, sometimes past your limits, and the adrenaline, endorphins and dopamine reach that perfect level of equilibrium.  You feel the so called runner's high.  It didn't happen every time.  In fact, that feeling was quite rare.  But the quest for it kept me going out day after day working hard to feel that high.

Since I got sick a year ago I haven't really been able to exercise.  And to be honest for quite some time before that I wasn't able to work out to the level I was used to.  I though I was just getting old, but now I know it was the sickness growing inside of me that was limiting my strength and endurance.

It has been a long time since I ended a workout with that special chemical combination and felt that runner's high.  I will probably never feel it again.  And I miss it.

S&F-Easter and the Holy Land

One of the things I did during Lent is following the daily reflections in the Hollow App.  This week they concluded it with what they called "Holy Week in the Holy Land."  Where Jeff Cavins and Johnathan Roumie visited some of the most holy places on earth as they followed the path of Jesus during his last days.

It reminds me of my visit to Israel and Jerusalem when I was in the Navy 25 years ago.  I visited those same locations that they showed in their videos.  I walked those same steps, the steps that Jesus took 2000 years ago.

When I was there it was a dangerous place to visit.  We were not allowed to visit Bethlehem to see the Naivety.  We were not supposed to walk freely around the old city of Jerusalem.  I took a tour that took us to the Church of All Nations, built on the area where Jesus prayed and was arrested.  We walked a the Via Dolorosa, the path Jesus took with his Cross.  Our tour ended at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, where the Crucifixion and Jesus's burial took place.  Being able to touch the spot where the Cross once was is one of the most fulfilling moments in my life.

One other thing that I remember as I reflect on my journey to the Holy Land is the fact that in one view I could see the some of most important places in three religions.  Walking distance from each other are the location of the Crucifixion (Christianity), the Temple Wall (Judaism) and the Dome of the Rock (Islam).  These 3 religions are able to coexist together and have for hundreds of years there.  I find it strange that they cannot find the same common ground in the world.

I wish I could go back to the Holy Land.  I think I would definitely appreciate it more today than I ever did so long ago.  Unfortunately, visiting that area of the world today is one that is not done without risk.  It was dangerous 25 years ago, and things are defiantly worse now.

I'm not going to delve into the politics and current events, as this is not the forum for that talk.  I will pray this Easter Sunday for peace throughout the world and especially in the Holy Land.  Making that pilgrimage safe for all people no matter their religious views should be something we should all hope for.

So, please join me in a prayer for peace in all the world, and particularly in the Holy Land on this most Holy of all days.
  

S&F-Silence and Joy

 

Today is a strange day in the church year.  For the day we reflect on a day without Jesus.  He was placed in the tomb.  His Apostles, probably afraid they would suffer a similar fate, were in hiding.  This is a pivotal date in the beginning of the Church.

We spend the day reflecting on Jesus's descent into Hell to reclaim the souls of those suffering there, including those guilty of original sin Adam and Eve.  This is both a sad and happy day where we have lost Jesus but are finally able to be together with Jesus in heaven.

The pinnacle of the day is the Easter Vigil Mass.  It begins in the darkness, lit only by candles.  We listen to a series of readings chronicling the salvation story.  The lights finally are lit as we proclaim the presence of Jesus and celebrate his resurrection.

One of the things that Mass features is the initiation of new people in our faith.  They are welcomed by receiving baptism, receipt of the Holy Spirit and Holy Communion.  Honestly, I used to have issues in this process.  It always seemed like bundling the Sacraments all together doesn't give the proper attention to each of the Sacraments.  It seemed like, to me, it would be better to separate receiving the Sacraments separately would be better in featuring each of them and their importance.

That changed last year.  I was sitting in my normal seat in the church and saw a young woman who was going through the initiation rites.  The smile on her face was one of pure joy.  She was almost glowing in her glee knowing that she was about to be unified with Christ.

Seeing her changed my opinion on bundling the initiation rites.  If someone is ready to be part of Christ's family, why make them wait to experience that joy that I saw in that young woman? 

S&F: It is Finished

There are some differences in the Gospels when you look at for Jesus's last words.  The last words of Jesus according to John are "It is finished."  Since John was present at the foot of the Cross, I tend to think that is the true last words.  After all, if you were there, wouldn't you remember his last words?

The way we, as Catholics, celebrate the days from Holy Thursday to Easter is by treating them as one single event.  Holy Thursday mass just ends.  There is a procession of the Eucharist but there is never a real ending to the mass.  Everyone just leaves the Church in silence.

Good Friday is the only day during the year that we as Catholics do not have a mass.  We do have a service to venerate the Cross.  We might pray over the Stations of the Cross, remembering the path Jesus took to his crucifixion and the sacrifice he made to redeem the world from our sins.  But since we are focusing on the death of our savior we don't have a reason to celebrate.

Saturday night the triduum finally concludes with the Easter Vigil Mass. We read the story of salvation, culminating with the celebration of the Resurrection.  We welcome new members to our church by celebrating the sacraments.  Finally, our three day service ends with a blessing to go out and proclaim our faith.

So, today I think its best to focus on the cross.  Jesus wasn't carrying his cross.  The cross represents all of our sins.  That's why its so heavy.  So heavy he needed Simon of Cyrene to help bear its weight.

We should all look to our own personal cross.  It might be heavy as well, and we probably could use help carrying it.  We just need to look to Jesus for help in prayer.

"Jesus my cross is heavy, and I'm so tired.  Please help me."

Jesus invites us to follow him.  If we are tired and weary in him we can find rest, because his yoke is easy and his burden is light.

S&F: Dinnertime

Today begins the most important part of the year to Catholics, the Easter Tridium.  Our service tonight is a special one focusing first on the humility of Jesus by washing the feet of his disciples.  The service then moves onto the centerpiece of our faith, the gift of the body and the blood of Christ in the Eucharist.

I don't know if all Christians hold the Last Supper in such high regard as Catholics, but I would assume that part of being a Christian and following the bible means that they too hold some sort of reverence to the events of Holy Thursday.

We, as Christians, should be unified in the events that happened over the next 3 days and their importance regardless of the differences in some of our dogmatic beliefs.

This is the first Holy Thursday, where we celebrate the Last Supper, since the ridiculing of the Leonardo DaVinci painting at the Olympics opening ceremonies.  I know that the painting is just a depiction of DaVinci's view of the events in the upper room, but in that moment the organizers thought it was ok to make fun of the beliefs of billions of people in the world.

Why is it ok to make fun of and ridicule Christians but not other religions?  What would have been the reaction if there was mockery of social issues like LGBT or racial discrimination?  I dare say the Olympics may have been shut down.

I was disappointed on the response from Rome and the Pope following the Olympic opening ceremony controversy.  I didn't hear any outcry from other Christian churches as well.  Its time we, as believers in Christ, notice the presence of evil in the world today.  It's our job to call it out and evangelize for the saving of people involved in the sin ridiculing God.  We should be calling out the hypocrisy of those people who support and allow the mocking of our beliefs. 

I pray for the unification of all Christians against modern contempt of our consolidated faith.  It is time for us to stop being pushovers, afraid to proclaim and defend our faith.  We need to stop being afraid to push back when we are mocked.  We have many biblical examples in church history of people risking their lives to defend Jesus.  Some of them lost their life.  In most cases we will never have to defend our faith over risk of our life.  But we shouldn't be afraid to defend our beliefs in the Lord because someone might cancel us. 

S&F: The Tale of 2 Disciples Part 2-The Cock Crows

Peter was given the keys to Heaven.  He was the rock on which Jesus would build his Church.  He was the first Pope.

In reading the Gospels over Lent I have learned the Peter was far from perfect.  In fact, none of the Apostles were.  There were many situations that Jesus was frustrated with them because they didn't understand Jesus's teachings or bickered amongst themselves about who was the greatest, wanting to be on Jesus's right and left in the kingdom.

But Peter was the chosen one, so he should be the most faithful, right?  Afterall, he did walk on water with Jesus (for a short time).  He was the one who, when asked knew that Jesus was the "...The Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

So what happened after Jesus's  arrest?  Peter stood next to his Master and proclaimed his faith for him?  Nope he denied him.  Not once but 3 times.  Then the cock crowed to remind Peter that Jesus had foretold exactly what had just happened.

So what did Peter do?  Did he go off and punish himself like Judas did?

No.  He wept, for he had denied the Lord, but this only made his faith stronger.  If you read the Gospels and the Act of the Apostles it becomes obvious that at that moment a change came to Peter.  He realized that his denial was a moment of weakness, and with the power of the Holy Spirit, he became the person Jesus knew he could be.  Proclaiming the resurrection, and leading the Church, showing the Way to God.

It took a moment, actually 3 moments, of weakness for Peter to realize his mission.  If we just listen hopefully we can find out what our mission for God is as well.  Not all of us are destined to lead a Church, but we are all destined to proclaim Jesus's love for all.  That is the Way for us to become one in Christ for eternity.