12/24/24-Frank Thornton

This is probably the last in my series of role models, but for someone who I only knew for a short time Frank Thornton made a big impact on my life.

Mr. Thornton was born in 1916 and served in Europe in WW2, where he lost his leg in combat.  Following the war he eventually ended up in San Diego, becoming the principal at Patrick Henry High School in the 1970's.

Our paths crossed when I was receiving the sacrament of Confirmation in my late teens.  It is the custom when getting Confirmed in the Catholic Church you have a sponsor, who guides you through the process of preparing to receive the Holy Spirit.  Usually a sponsor is an Aunt or Uncle or family friend who is active in the Church.  I didn't have a natural sponsor, but through the Church Mr. Thornton was asked to be my sponsor.  I couldn't have asked for a better guide.  Naturally, I respected him as a war hero, and he knew exactly how to deal with a teenager to keep me engaged and excited about being Confirmed.

We would meet at least weekly and discuss the Church's teachings and what the expectations were for a young man getting ready to receive the Holy Spirit in Confirmation.  The day that truly means more to me than almost any moment in my life is the day we were sitting in Burger King across from the Church and he used the term "transubstantiation."  To this moment I think I understood that the bread and wine we received at Communion were only a symbol of the body and blood of Jesus.  That all changed over a hamburger.

I was just enamored over that term.  And the fact that we believe that the Eucharist, when it is in the Priest's hands, becomes the actual Body and Blood of Christ.  I know that is one of the things that separates Catholics from some of our Protestant brothers and sisters, but from that moment on The Eucharist meant something extra to me.  To this day receiving the moment of transubstantiation at mass and receiving the actual Body and Blood of Christ in Communion are some of the highlights of the week.

My relationship with the Eucharist continues to this day.  I was able to lead Eucharistic Services and distribute the Eucharist when I was in the Navy and we were underway.  As a civilian I continue to distribute the Eucharist at mass, a responsibility I am honored to do and take very seriously.

I owe my life long relationship with the Eucharist to that moment in a fast food restaurant and to Frank Thornton. 

Mr. Thornton passed away in 2006.  I hope to be able to look him up in heaven someday to thank him for truly introducing me to Jesus. 

11/12/24-My Favorite Veteran

Yesterday was Veteran's Day.  I wanted to write something about being a veteran or my time in the Navy, but I really wasn't inspired as to any particular topic.  As a rule here, if I'm not inspired to write I don't write.  So I didn't write, but am back to celebrate Veteran's Day today.

As I look back on my life one of the things I'm most proud of is my time in the Navy.  I accomplished much in the 10 years and I as I look back the time in the Navy changed me from an immature youth to a mature man.  My time in the Navy was never guaranteed to be a success without the relationships to the people I served with.

There is no way I could ever list all the people who I met in the Navy who made a difference in my  life, but I will always remember fondly the effect of people like Matt Brimmer in boot camp and Preston Hoops in my time as a fellow ELT on the USS Hampton.

When I joined the Navy I was not a great sailor.  I was not ready for what was expected of me.  Boot camp was a struggle.  I actually messed up the first task we had to do, labeling our uniforms.  I was particularly disliked my our company commander because I was one of the worst marchers in the history of the Navy.  Following up boot camp I went to training and things went better for me because I felt more at home in the classroom than on the grinder doing marching practice.

While I felt ready knowledge wise to get to the fleet, I still struggled to make connections with people.  And spending literally 24 hours with the same people for months on end made this a necessary skill just as important as any nuclear chemistry I was responsible for.

Luckily, I met my favorite Veteran, Don Golden.  I don't remember how we met, but I'm quite sure it was he who made the initial attempts at forging a relationship.  To make a long story short, over the next 5 years the time we spent together made my time on the Hampton bearable.  We spent hours talking while on watch behind maneuvering, or on the ladder between our watch stations.  On liberty overseas we planned our time together (except that time when he went across the Straight of Gibraltar to Africa).

There were many highlights. Like the time we got into a random taxi in Naples and our driver, who we nicknamed Mario, weaved through traffic like a race car driver ending up on a volcano.  Or the time in Greece we walked into a bar, only to find out it was not the type of bar we expected.  The smell strange smell made us realize we were not going to be able to get a beer there and if we hung out too long we risked failing a urinalysis if called when we returned to the boat.  You never knew what was going to happen when you spent the day with Don.

It even worked out well that our wives got along.  We could always take solace in the fact that when we were gone for 6 moths at a time, Katie and Cindy were there to support each other.

We both moved on to different duty stations after our time on the Hampton.  I think we both thought we would remain in touch, but as things usually go for me, we drifted apart.  I am as horrible at keeping relationships going as I am at forming them in the first place, so its probably my doing that has left our friendship in the state it is now.  I wish we could be close again.

That being said, I hope Don knows that I still think if him as a friend and thank him for all he has done for me.  Those years on the Hampton could have been some of the longest and most lonely of my life had Don not became my friend.  He was a big part in me becoming the husband and father I am today.  He is major influence on me and the man I am today.

I value every moment we spent together.  I value him as a friend.  I value him as a role model (since he is older than me).

Thanks for being there, Don, my favorite Veteran.

11/2/24-Funny Old Man

It has been a while since I wrote about the men in my life who I have looked up to as role models.  There is four or five men who, as I look back, I hold them responsible for me becoming me.

Unlike my Dad and my Step-Dad,  in this case I know the exact time I met this man.  It was January 26th, 1990, I was supposed to go on a first date to a high school basketball game.  I was driving down the street trying to find the house where my beautiful young date lived.  Before Google Maps and GPS this was a more difficult task than it is today.  I considered giving up and just going to the game, but after driving around for a while I eventually found the house. Unfortunately, she had already given up on me and driven herself to the game.

After finding the right house, I went to the door and was met by an intimidating young man, who I later found out was my date's brother.  I was told my date had already left.  In the background I heard a man yelling from the couch that turned out to be my date's father.  I don't remember what he said but it was made quite clear that if I was going to spend any time with his daughter he was going to keep his eye on me.  And I better be good for her or I would have to answer to him.  I left a little concerned for what I was getting myself into, and went to the game to meet my date.

It hopefully is obvious that my date eventually became my wife, Cindy.  And the man I met that night was John De Mars, her father.  Over the following months, I became totally infatuated with Cindy, so it became important I was acceptable to him.

I found myself spending time at their house.  Even though I was supposed to be spending time with Cindy or helping her study, I somehow always found myself on the couch watching a movie or some sporting event with her Dad.  I felt an instant connection to him.  The sarcastic humor, the endless knowledge and the stories of his life experience made the time waiting for Cindy to figure out algebra pass more quickly.

When March rolled around I truly found Mr. De Mars in his element.  He stacked TV's all over the living room and split the cable so he could watch all the NCAA Basketball Tournament Games.  We now have picture-in-picture TV's or multi-view streams to do the same thing, but he was truly ahead of his time.

After a year or so Cindy and I made our first real purchase together, Bob the Beagle.  It was Cindy's Dad that took care of him and trained him.  We nicknamed Mr. De Mars "Funny Old Man" because that's how Bob probably saw him. Bob eventually became our first "child."

The hard part of spending time with Mr. De Mars was his health.  He was dealing with physical decline the entire time I knew him.  We spent many evenings at the Naval Hospital ER.  I could see how uncomfortable and weak he was at times.  I could see the strong, virile man in him and I wish I could have seen that. 

This relationship continued for the next few years until I joined the Navy.  A life-long Marine I hope he was proud of me even though I chose the Navy over his beloved Marines.  Unfortunately, I would never see or speak to him again, as he passed away while I was in training in Florida.

This begs the question, even though we only interacted for a few years, why do I consider him in such high regard to call him a role model?

There are a few things that I gained from him.

1. Commitment to the Nation.  Serving in Vietnam, he could have felt negatively towards the country.  He could have held the United States as responsible for his physical problems.  But I never felt anything other than pride in our Nation from him.  The same pride I feel for this country.
2. Commitment to family.  One thing I never realized in my courting of Cindy is how close their family was and is.  He would never speak negatively of his family or his children.  It was because of the way that their family grew together that when Cindy and I got married I felt as if I was not just joining with Cindy, but gaining sisters and a brother, aunts and uncles and another mother.
3. Commitment to self.  It was obvious that Mr. De Mars was a physical shell of what he once was.  The physical toll of daily life must have been difficult.  But I never once heard him complain.  He did the best he could with his limitations.
4. Commitment to Cindy.  Cindy loves her father more than anything.  And I could see that he loved her as well.  A lot of him is reflected in her personality.

I hope I have the commitment to nation, family and self like he did.  But most of all I hope I can have just a fraction of the commitment to Cindy that he had.

This has been awkward to write because I keep having to write "Mr. De Mars" even though I don't think I ever called him that.  When he passed away it was only a few months before Cindy and I got married.  I wish I could have just once gotten the chance to call him "Dad."

9/30/24-Being a Simoncini

Today is my step-brother, Tony Simoncini's birthday.  I don't know if he is officially still considered a "step-brother," but based on the time we spent together I would say he is.  So "Happy Birthday, Tony!"

As I have said before my Mom and Dad were divorced and then my Mom got remarried.  We moved across Santee to the Simoncini house.

It was interesting time as I look back.  We had to move schools.  Carlton Oaks School ended up being a great place for me because I was able to flourish there academically.  Socially, I made friends that were instrumental in me developing into the person I became (but that's another post for another time).

As I look back, I think that the Simoncini's did a great job adding our little family into their traditions while allowing us to maintain some of our own individually.

We did gain a life-long relationship with Pat, and by extension his future wife Ginny.  To this day they help out if my Mom needs something and participate in holidays with us.

Tony was always the superior athlete to me, but we spent countless hours in the front yard playing basketball or football in the street.  And I wouldn't be surprised if there are still tennis balls stuck in the  evergreen trees out front from the endless hours of catch/baseball we played.

As I reflect on the time we lived with the Simoncini's, the biggest eye-opener is the amount of influence that Gil, the patriarch of the family had on me.  It was a difficult time for me, as I was learning and developing into a teenager and man.  Gil was definitely strict with me when he needed to be as there were times when I'm sure I rebelled as all teen-aged boys did.  But he also allowed me space to be myself and mature.

I learned a lot from Gil.  I learned that Ragu spaghetti sauce can be improved by adding spices.  If you add enough you can call it your own.  And whoever got the bay leaf had to clean up after dinner.  I learned that there is no such thing as tin foil-it is always aluminum foil.

Mostly what I learned from Gil was on those Sunday mornings when we would share the sports page (back when the newspaper was made of paper) together and debate stats and standings.  I developed my life-long sports fandom on those mornings.

Baseball was our biggest debate topic.  I wonder what Gil would think of baseball today with all the rule changes.  I don't think he would have liked them one bit.  He was a baseball traditionalist and passed that on to me.  So no designated hitter.  Putting a free runner on 2nd base in extra innings-he is probably turning over in his grave on that one.   

One of the most lasting memories of my childhood was the 1984 Padres playoff run. And it was mostly attributed to Gil.  We watched on TV when the Padres after losing the first two games to the Cubs and facing elimination, won game 3 and game 4 (thanks to a Steve Garvey walk-off homer).  But the thing I most remember is being there in the old San Diego Jack Murphy Stadium to be part of the celebration after the Padres won game 5 and their 1st National League Championship.  It was Gil who brought me there.

Eventually that family split up as well and Mom, Amber and I were back on our own.  But that doesn't mean the time we were Simoncini's wasn't important.  I guess the lesson here is that sometimes you don't appreciate the situations you experience and the people that make you who you are when you are going through them.  But sometimes it helps to look back in order to realize how good you had it in the the past.

Thanks Tony for pushing me to be my best athletically.  Thanks Pat for showing me that how important caring about others is.  And thanks Gilbert Simoncini for including us in your family.

9/28/24-Slurpees and Sport Cars

 

I think if a guy looks back on their life they will realize there are a few male influences that made them who they are.  I definitely have a group of guys who shaped me,  First on my list is my Dad.

Born and grew up on the east coast, my Dad was an athlete in high school, running and playing basketball.  I didn't inherit his height so basketball wasn't in my future, but I did become a runner partially because of him-but more on that later.

Vietnam was going on and my Dad always told me the story that he was probably going to be drafted, but he didn't worry too much about it because he thought he had flat feet and would be disqualified for service.  So he went to the first recruiting office he could find, which turned out to be the Navy, expecting to be medically disqualified.  Surprise, I guess his feet weren't flat enough, and he found himself in the Navy.  Because of the Navy he met my Mom, so I guess I'm only here due to the arch in his feet.  

After the Navy he started working for 7-11 and was associated with them for the rest of his life.  So that is how I will remember him.

In the late 1970's Dad made what he told me was his biggest regret.  I don't really feel like going into the specifics but it led to my parents being divorced.  Now it seems pretty commonplace, but back then we were one of the first split families.  My parents handled it well.  They were always friendly with each other, at least that's the impression we got as kids.

Work made Dad travel and move quite a bit but, Sunday's were always Dad days.  He would pick me and Amber up in his Datsun Z, Triumph TR-7 or Mazda RX-7 and we would spend the day together.  All those cars were 2 seater sport cars which meant Amber had to sit on the console between the front seats-no seatbelt there.  But the 80's were a wild time.

Usually we would go to lunch or miniature golf or maybe a movie.  Inevitably we would always end up at his office where we would get free Slurpee's from their lunch room.  I can't even imagine how many Slurpee's I drank over my childhood.  Not healthy, but the 80's were a wild time.

To kind of wrap this story up, my parents did eventually get back together and remarried.  I guess they were meant to be together.  But even on their special day they put us kids first.  I remember I was upset and they pulled me aside to make sure I was alright with them getting back together.  I told them yes. and the ceremony continued.  What I don't think I ever told them is that I was upset because I couldn't get my tie right and didn't want to ruin the day with a messed up knot.  I can't believe I almost ruined the day over something so stupid, but it means a lot to me that even on their day they were worried about me.

Unfortunately, they didn't get the chance to grow old together and my Dad died way too young at 55 while doing a triathlon with me, but that's a story for another time.

I really wish I was able to spend more time with my Dad.  And I think he would have loved to spend more time with us a well.  Still, even though our time together was limited he did a great job of impressing on me who I would become.

I become a life-long runner because he was a runner in high school.  When I decided to join the military the Navy was the branch to emulate him.  His determination to maintain a family, even though it was a disjointed one showed me how important those connections were.

He did teach me some things that I still remember to this day.  I remember him saying, "Pump your arms when you run."   He taught me to drive a stick shift and as I coasted to a stop at a light he said, "Never coast in neutral.  Always put it in gear."

The one biggest lesson came on one of our weekend trips.  We spent the day at Knott's Berry Farm.  They have a roller coaster called Montazuma's Revenge that shot you in a loop in forward than backward.  I was scared to go on it.  Dad told me:

"Don't be afraid to try anything once.  If you do something and then don't like it you never have to do it again.  But you will never know if you like it if you don't try."

I went on the roller coaster and threw up in the trash can near the exit.  But whenever I think about trying something new I still remember what he said.

This has gotten way longer than I was expecting, and  I will have to cut this off at some point.  So I leave on this thought.  My Dad was not perfect.  He made mistakes.  I think he would agree with that.  But he always tried to make amends for them and make the best of the situation he was in.  No matter what he would problem faced him he would say, "Super! (he started sentences with that all the time)."  I hope to make the best of my current situation, because that's what he would do.