11/2/24-Funny Old Man

It has been a while since I wrote about the men in my life who I have looked up to as role models.  There is four or five men who, as I look back, I hold them responsible for me becoming me.

Unlike my Dad and my Step-Dad,  in this case I know the exact time I met this man.  It was January 26th, 1990, I was supposed to go on a first date to a high school basketball game.  I was driving down the street trying to find the house where my beautiful young date lived.  Before Google Maps and GPS this was a more difficult task than it is today.  I considered giving up and just going to the game, but after driving around for a while I eventually found the house. Unfortunately, she had already given up on me and driven herself to the game.

After finding the right house, I went to the door and was met by an intimidating young man, who I later found out was my date's brother.  I was told my date had already left.  In the background I heard a man yelling from the couch that turned out to be my date's father.  I don't remember what he said but it was made quite clear that if I was going to spend any time with his daughter he was going to keep his eye on me.  And I better be good for her or I would have to answer to him.  I left a little concerned for what I was getting myself into, and went to the game to meet my date.

It hopefully is obvious that my date eventually became my wife, Cindy.  And the man I met that night was John De Mars, her father.  Over the following months, I became totally infatuated with Cindy, so it became important I was acceptable to him.

I found myself spending time at their house.  Even though I was supposed to be spending time with Cindy or helping her study, I somehow always found myself on the couch watching a movie or some sporting event with her Dad.  I felt an instant connection to him.  The sarcastic humor, the endless knowledge and the stories of his life experience made the time waiting for Cindy to figure out algebra pass more quickly.

When March rolled around I truly found Mr. De Mars in his element.  He stacked TV's all over the living room and split the cable so he could watch all the NCAA Basketball Tournament Games.  We now have picture-in-picture TV's or multi-view streams to do the same thing, but he was truly ahead of his time.

After a year or so Cindy and I made our first real purchase together, Bob the Beagle.  It was Cindy's Dad that took care of him and trained him.  We nicknamed Mr. De Mars "Funny Old Man" because that's how Bob probably saw him. Bob eventually became our first "child."

The hard part of spending time with Mr. De Mars was his health.  He was dealing with physical decline the entire time I knew him.  We spent many evenings at the Naval Hospital ER.  I could see how uncomfortable and weak he was at times.  I could see the strong, virile man in him and I wish I could have seen that. 

This relationship continued for the next few years until I joined the Navy.  A life-long Marine I hope he was proud of me even though I chose the Navy over his beloved Marines.  Unfortunately, I would never see or speak to him again, as he passed away while I was in training in Florida.

This begs the question, even though we only interacted for a few years, why do I consider him in such high regard to call him a role model?

There are a few things that I gained from him.

1. Commitment to the Nation.  Serving in Vietnam, he could have felt negatively towards the country.  He could have held the United States as responsible for his physical problems.  But I never felt anything other than pride in our Nation from him.  The same pride I feel for this country.
2. Commitment to family.  One thing I never realized in my courting of Cindy is how close their family was and is.  He would never speak negatively of his family or his children.  It was because of the way that their family grew together that when Cindy and I got married I felt as if I was not just joining with Cindy, but gaining sisters and a brother, aunts and uncles and another mother.
3. Commitment to self.  It was obvious that Mr. De Mars was a physical shell of what he once was.  The physical toll of daily life must have been difficult.  But I never once heard him complain.  He did the best he could with his limitations.
4. Commitment to Cindy.  Cindy loves her father more than anything.  And I could see that he loved her as well.  A lot of him is reflected in her personality.

I hope I have the commitment to nation, family and self like he did.  But most of all I hope I can have just a fraction of the commitment to Cindy that he had.

This has been awkward to write because I keep having to write "Mr. De Mars" even though I don't think I ever called him that.  When he passed away it was only a few months before Cindy and I got married.  I wish I could have just once gotten the chance to call him "Dad."