4/26/25-A Disappointing Year

I don't know what the actual date I was diagnosed with cancer.  I probably should.  But its been basically a year since I was diagnosed with cancer.  And I've wasted the year.  I'm disappointed in myself.

I have had many times in my life where I wanted to get get healthier or eat better.  Or exercise more.  But I always have said I will start next week after I finish my bacon cheeseburger and fries.  Or I'll get on a better workout program next month.  

But I never did.

Then I got cancer.  You think that would have been a wakeup call to finally change my ways and try to get healthier.

But then I would think about the fact I'm dying anyway so why shouldn't I enjoy a piece of pizza or french fries?  So I would eat them even knowing that I should try to eat better to help fight the cancer.  Or maybe I should go in on some of the holistic strategies to fight the cancer.

Cancer should have been a wake up call.  I should have made some changes to my life to be healthier.  But I never did.  Now a year has passed and I'm basically right back where I was, physically the same, actually probably a little worse.  My diet is not great.  My weight shows that.  I'm not really exercising now.  And I'm definitely not doing anything that might help fight the cancer.

That leaves me feeing disappointed.  I should have spent this year trying to get healthier.  To use my own body to fight the cancer.  But I fell back into the old habits, trying to enjoy the time I had left.  I found myself just waiting for bad news, waiting to die.

At one point my oncologist said that I probably had a year or two left.  If that's true, I have wasted one of those years.  But, to be honest, I don't think that's that is the time frame I need to be set on.  Deep down I do believe that I can extend that time, but only if I figure out a lifestyle that allows me to get healthier while still allowing me to enjoy my time on Earth.