10/17/24-"...I Am Your Father."- Darth Vader

When I was a kid I don't think I ever thought of myself becoming a father.  As a teenager I always hoped and probably expected to be married but I guess I didn't ever realize that would inevitability lead to fatherhood at some point.

But when I found the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with I was informed that having children was part of the deal-so making babies was in my future.  And then came Steve and Jeff.

Since I didn't grow up thinking about what type of Dad I would be it was kinda learning on the job.  I knew that Cindy would take care of the day to day necessities of being a parent.  She was and is the definite head of the family.  So I just needed to figure out what my role would be in raising sons.

Growing up in the sit-com generation a lot of what I knew about being a father came from TV Dads.  Family Ties had Steven Keaton, Growing Pains had Jason Seaver and The Cosby Show had Heathcliff Huxtable (that last one didn't age well as a role model).  I don't think that basing a parental style on TV families is probably the smartest place to start.

So I looked to my Dad.  He might not have been there every day, but he was always there to push me in the right direction and teach me what I needed to know.

Times are different though.  When I was growing up fathers and sons could bond over tasks and what was considered necessary skills.  My Dad taught me how to drive a stick shift-no one does that anymore.  He made me change the oil in my car.  Now you just get a coupon and drive to the 10 minute oil change place.

Still, I guess my parental philosophy became one of a guide.  I felt as if I could keep them on the a path but allow them to make their own mistakes and figure out their own ideologies, that Steve and Jeff would turn out ok.

At times we joke about my "hands-off" parenting.  But I hope that the kids both understand that even though I seemed like I wasn't the most domineering of fathers, I was always aware of where they were and what they were experiencing, ready to step in and support them.

Both Steve and Jeff are grown men now.  Even though I don't say it enough, I am very proud of both of them and who they have become.  I hope that maybe I had a little part in them becoming the people they are today.  

And they can always be glad that their Dad didn't end up being Darth Vader (Luke Skywalker definitely didn't win the Dad lottery). 

PS-I know that I haven't written specifically about the boys here.  Those posts are coming, hopefully soon.