5/31/25-Losing a Friend

Although I have a great support group in my family in dealing with cancer, sometimes you need to talk to someone who is in the fight rather than a support person.

Some cancers like breast cancer have countless support groups subdivided by age, gender, severity, ethnicity, etc.  In my case, I haven't really found anything like that.

This week I was talking to someone at work who is fighting brain cancer.  He was a little down because while he also doesn't have a support group, he found someone online who was documenting his fight on Instagram that he was following.  That person recently passed away, and my friend felt like he had lost part of his support system even though he never had met this individual.

I emphasized with him.  I too loosely follow a person on YouTube who was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2021.  His videos were inspiring and positive.  I recently got far enough into his videos to see the end for him was coming and he finally passed away last summer.

He seemed a lot like me.  He was very fit.  He ignored his symptoms too long.  He was always looking for other holistic ways to treat his cancer and the side effects.  Familiar.

When the cancer finally took over his downfall was quick.  In just a couple of months he went from out exercising, experiencing life to bedridden and weak.  Its kinda scary seeing what might be your own future right there on YouTube.

I never met Dr. Dan Brockmann.  But I think we could have been friends, especially since we both were fighting and enemy that we never saw coming.  He lost his battle, and eventually I'll lose as well.  Hopefully, when my time comes I'll face my mortality with as much grace as he did.

5/26/25-Memorial Day 2025

Memorial Day is not about sales on tools and mattresses.  It is about remembering the people who gave their life to keep the country unified during the Civil War.

Memorial Day is not about grilling hamburgers.  It is about thinking of those soldiers who went to Europe in World War 1 to fight and die in the trenches defending a foreign country from tyranny.

Memorial Day is not about watching sports like the Indy 500 or baseball.  It is to honor those who died at Normandy or on beaches throughout the Pacific fighting fascism.

Memorial Day is not about getting a day off work.  It is about casting one's mind to those who left America to Korea or Vietnam to fight communism, never to return.

Memorial Day is not an opportunity to protest or to disrespect the United States.  It is a time to take into account the men and women who gave their lives to protect those rights.

This year we shouldn't thank a veteran for their service.  The day for that comes in November.

This year don't say "Happy Memorial Day."  Memorial Day is a solemn day for honor and reflection.  Instead lets say "Remember our fallen heroes."  Every single one of them who gave their life in defense of this country and its ideals is truly a hero in my view. 

S&F-Be Proud to be Chosen by God

I have always tried to keep my faith close to my heart.  I may write these "Shephard and Friend" posts, but even in them I try to tone it down and not push my beliefs on others.  I silently pray the Rosary sometimes at work or quietly thank God over my lunch.  I tone down my beliefs in order to not make others uncomfortable.

We have a new Pope.  I have discovered that part of having a new Pope is to learn what might be different in the way the new Pope will deal with situations and what he might concentrate on from the last Pope.

I heard a story this week about how Pope Francis and Pope Leo handled their initial meeting with the press.  After meeting with the press Pope Francis did not bless the people in attendance. Instead he choose to tell them because some of them were not Christian he wanted to respect and allow for different beliefs so he would not bless them, but he would pray for them.   On the other hand, Pope Leo chose to stick to tradition and ended this meeting with a blessing for all in attendance.

Both methods of dealing with the press have their pluses and minuses.  I think it is important to be respectful of people and their beliefs, but not at the expense of holding your personal feelings inside.  Pope Leo made sure that everyone knew he was going to evangelize during his Papacy.  Afterall, the only true way to the Kingdom of God is through Jesus and his Church.  So why should the Church's leader not proclaim that fact by blessing everyone?

I think I need to be proud of my faith.  I think I need to not be afraid to offend someone by making the Sign of the Cross over my lunch.  I think I need to not worry about making someone uncomfortable if they hear me praying the rosary.

Jesus has chose me.  Just like Jesus choose Pope Leo.  I am as much a Catholic as him.  I should use him as an example, and proudly proclaim my love and faith in Jesus and God.

5/25/25-The 3rd Wheel

I remember growing up and when it came time to pick teams for some sport at recess I was never picked first.  In class when we divided up into groups I was always in the middle of the room waiting for someone to ask me to be part of their project team.

It always made me feel a little bad to not be among the first picks to work with people.

I know what you are thinking. Maybe the team was for basketball so why would anyone pick the 4'6" guy?  Or maybe the project was a spelling bee so it was no surprise that people wouldn't want me to be in their group (if you could see the red lines for misspellings on these posts you'd understand).

But I think the real reason is that even though I had a lot of friends as a kid, I was always the third (or 4th or 5th) wheel.  Everyone had their best friend, but I was always that extra friend.

That being said, I don't blame anyone for that other than myself. I just wasn't good at making the connections at that level.

And that has continued into adulthood.  When I joined the Navy I did it alone.  That's good because in boot camp there were 80 other people who were in the same situation.  It was for survival to get close enough to a person that you could count on.  And for the first time I have someone that I would spend time away from the Navy with.  This feeling continued when I was stationed on the USS Hampton.  You had to make close friends to get through the day.  I think it would have been impossible to deal with the loneliness of being without some one to go to experience ports with.  Being away so much of the time made it easy to gravitate to people to share your frustrations with.  I had a close friend there as well that I would do things outside of work with.  In fact the first time I took Steve out as a baby was to lunch at Hooters with Don.

It was nice having someone to talk to and someone when something happened it was nice to have a person who I couldn't wait to tell.

But I haven't spoken to any of my Navy friends in close to 25 years.  My high school friends even longer.  It just goes to show that not only can I not make close friends, but I can't keep them either.

I hear about people I work with now going out and meeting up outside of work.  There may have been times when I had the opportunity to go as well.  But, again I let those opportunities pass.  I am good at excuses.

I submit that I am 53 years old and I have been to maybe 5 weddings in my life.  One of those was my own, and the others were for family members.  People just don't think of me as a person close enough to invite to something like that.

I'm not blaming anyone but myself.  Its just me being me.  And now that I can see the light in the tunnel it is probably too late.  You can't have lifelong friends when your life is coming to a close.

It would be unfair to not mention Cindy in this.  When she allowed me into her life she became my life-long best friend.  It's great being married to your best friend.  But sometimes I feel sad about that too.  She is so social and outgoing.  She has loads of friends.  I fear that over the past 30+ years some of my antisocial attitudes have rubbed off on her and she is missing out on a part of her life because of me, that I'm holding her back.  She'll deny it, of course, but that's how I feel.

I'm sorry this is such a sad and pathetic post.  But sometimes I feel sad and pathetic.  And one of those times is today.  

5/24/25-I'll Start that Next Week

As a committed procrastinator this might be the #1 motto of my life.  I can't count the number of times I have said I'll start my diet next Monday or I will start spring cleaning in order to weed out things I don't need of want only to see the calendar change to summer with no progress made.

One of the big things that frustrates me is the fact I have never ran a marathon.  I have "completed" many marathons.  But every time I went into them with a plan to take walk breaks throughout the 26.2 miles or run to a certain point then walk as needed to finish.  I ended every marathon with a combination of elation for finishing and disappointment that I was forced to walk portions of the marathon.  I think the furthest I made it running before I had to start walking was 16miles.  On the drive home (once I was able to sit in the car) I would always say to myself, "Next time I'm going to get a plan that will allow me to run the full distance."

But boy does training to run a marathon take a lot of time and effort.  I would have to rehash my diet- to support the miles I would need to run.  I would go into every week with the best intentions to watch what I ate and to do the work required to get in the shape I needed to run the full distance.  By Wednesday, I had messed that up and my feeling always was that the current week was a lost cause but I would do better next Monday, only to repeat the cycle.  Then the planned marathon would come up and, again, I would have to revise my goal to run the whole 26.2 miles with planned walk breaks.

I would finish with the grand plan to work on my diet and come up with a training plan to do the race again next year as a runner without being forced to walk.

After all there will always be a next year, right?

Well, in actuality, there may not be a next year.  In my case running, especially a marathon, is something that is beyond what my body can handle.  And I've come to accept I will never "run" a marathon.

I guess the lesson learned is that everyone has tasks or goals they want to accomplish.  It doesn't have to be a marathon.  Maybe its to travel and see something amazing.  Maybe its to meet a individual who has inspired you.  Maybe its to write a book.  It really doesn't matter what you want to accomplish, just realize that time is finite, so it is best to figure out what is important and make it a priority-come up with a plan and stick to it.

Take it from a career procrastinator, at some point there won't be a next week to postpone starting to.

Remember-"Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't stop and look around once in a while you could miss it." 

5/18/25-In the Navy

In these posts I have talked about many people and situations in my life.  I realized I may have mentioned it in passing, but I have never really focused on my time from 1993 to 2003 when I, like the disco hit from the Village People, was "In the Navy."

In early 1993, I was struggling on what I wanted in life.  I made bad decisions on where to go to college and what to study.  I was going through life rudderless.

Then I watched Hunt for Red October.  I don't know why but I was drawn to life on a submarine.  So drawn that I decided to go to the recruiting office and see what I needed to do to get on a sub.

It moved pretty quick from there.  I took some tests and passed my physical.  The next thing I knew I was off to boot camp in sunny Orlando.

Boot camp was a struggle for me.  I made many mistakes due to my lack of attention to detail.  I was probably the worst marcher in the history of the Navy.  Luckily I was with 80 other people who were also struggling with being on their own for the first time and experiencing something they had never done before.  Luckily we were organized alphabetically and I made my first Navy friend, Matt Brimmer.  It was by his association that I made it to graduation.

I was disappointed that I was assigned to Machinist Mate "A" School after boot camp.  I thought I was going to be a reactor operator not a wrench turner.  Eventually I learned that the Navy knows what it was doing and I excelled in my training.  I was one of the highest scorers in Nuclear Power School and was chosen as class leader.

During my training I got married.  I guess I owe the ability to get married when I did to the Navy as well.

My follow-up training was in upstate New York.  I learned a lot there, and again did pretty well and was chosen to get extra training to be an Engineering Laboratory Technician, a nuclear chemist.  But mostly I learned I hate living in the winter snow.

I was eventually assigned to the USS Hampton in Norfolk, Virginia.  It seemed like I spent the next 5 years at sea.  Even when we were in homeport it seemed like I was always spending the night on the boat on duty.  It was a tough time, but I made friends who were also dealing with the same issues of being isolated.  We would spend hours passing time discussing useless things in the engine room on watch or hiding out when it was time for cleaning.  We would spend the little hours we had left playing cards or watching movies.  There were too many people to mention them all specifically here, but first ones that come to mind are Preston, Lube Oil Lenny, Batts, Big Don and of course, Don Golden.

I should have trusted the Navy when it came time for shore duty in the year 2000.  The Navy wanted to keep me in the nuclear power pipeline and go back to train new sailors.  But I decided to go into recruiting to get back to the West Coast.  I hated every minute of that.  It was selling a used car to people who really didn't want a car at all.  I was so soured on the Navy after dealing with that when it came time to move on it made my decision easier to move on back to civilian life.

Looking back I realize that the decision I made back in 1993 in that recruiting office was one of the most important things in my life.  It allowed me to get married and have a family.  It taught me skills that I use today in my current job.  It gave me experiences in seeing parts of the world I never would have.  The time I spent representing my country is one of the things I am most proud of.   

I joined the Navy because I thought I had no other choice.  I realize now the Navy made me who I am today.

S&F-Breaking the Seal of Confession

There is plenty to be frustrated about in the Government today.  Just spend 10 minutes on any social network site and you will be infiltrated by posts against the Government for doing something or not doing enough.  Personally I don't engage in these discussions, as I believe doing so only leads to more hate and discontent.  Those posts do not lead to any personal growth.

I have talked about my frustration with the secular world today and its feeling that it is okay to attack the Catholic Church without worry about people's feelings or beliefs (see my post on the Olympic Opening Ceremony). But now the State of  Washington has taken it to a new level.

In the last couple of weeks Washington has passed a law requiring Catholic Priests to report sexual abuse to the authorities if they are confessed during confession.

While I do feel for victims of sexual abuse or neglect, The United States was founded on the principle of religious freedom.  That was put into the 1st Amendment of the Constitution in the Free Enterprise Clause, guaranteeing the ability to practice religion without government interference.

Among the most important pillars of the Catholic Church is the feeling that what is said in the confessional is confessed directly to Jesus via the Priest acting in Persona Christi (the person of Christ).  What is said in there, regardless of the how severe or heinous, is locked under the seal of the confessional.  If a Priest breaks that seal he faces excommunication from the Church.

To force a Priest to break this fundamental belief as Washington State is shows a lack of understanding in how sacred this is to us as Catholics and the Priests in particular.  I believe Priests will go to jail before they break the seal of confession.  And, even though I try to not get involved in political issues, I would be among those protesting and fighting for his release.

If this law is allowed to be enforced it creates a slippery slope.  Why only confessions of abuse and neglect?  Why not other violent crimes?  Eventually can a Priest be forced to testify in crimes of theft?  Will Priests be called to testify in divorce court about adultery?  I don't think I am exaggerating here.

Right now this is focused specifically on the Catholic Church.  If we allow the government to impede on the religious rights in this instance, do we open up the door to removing other religious freedoms from other faiths as well?

If this law is enforced can the state eventually remove other privileged conversations as well?  What about attorney-client privilege?  Doctor-patient confidentially?  Maybe, but I think that if they did remove those protections there would be an uprising against it.  Or is it only ok to attack the Church's protections?

My hope is that this Washington State Law will be fought and struck down as Unconstitutional.  My hope is that it is never enforced.

We were settled by people looking for religious freedom.  We were founded on the idea of separation of church and state.  My hope is that we can get back to the respect to all religions, one of the things that makes this country great.  

5/17/25-My War on Cancer

Cancer is a fight.  It's a war.

In this war I am at the point where I have stopped the advance of the enemy.  We would be at a stalemate.  I have established a trench with the treatments I am using. The tumor has established its own front and is holding steady there.  Neither of us are winning the fight, we are just holding are line.

My weapons in the war are chemotherapy, radiation, multiple hospital stays and procedures to deal with the side effects that cancer has done to my body.  The question is could I be doing more?

I know there are many ideas for fighting cancer and other disease holistically through diet and non- traditional medications.  I've watched videos and purchased books explaining them.  Some of them think of cancer as a parasite and fight the cancer by treating it as such.  They definitely have interesting ideas. If this is a truly a war is it time to fight cancer from all fronts should I be trying those other methods?

I think if I'm serious about really fighting the disease I should be trying to fight the cancer using any method I can.  There are medications I could be taking that have shown some positive effects on the cancer by effecting the tumors blood supply.  I have seen videos correlates diets that remove inflammation such as keto or carnivore with tumor size decreasing.  Should I try them?

That is where quality of life comes in.  To do change my diet takes some level of commitment.  I need to really stick to it.  But I love junk food.  I love hamburgers and french fries.  Pizza is among the greatest thing ever invented.  In my mind, over the past year, I know that I could benefit from a stricter diet.  But a part of my mind thinks has the feeling that I'm dying, so why not enjoy the time I have left by eating the things I like?  That has led to me gaining back a lot of the weight I initially lost while I was in the hospital.

The idea of taking holistic medications takes a commitment to the belief that they would work.  My faith in them vacillates.  Sometimes I feel like I they are the way to go, especially if I can take them without disturbing the treatments I am currently using.  Sometimes I think why bother?

I know that if I do continue as I am with chemotherapy eventually the cancer will push back and eventually win.

So that's where my mind is now.  I face the dilemma of trying to fight back by opening up a new front against the cancer or accepting my fate and making the most of the time I have left.

It has been a difficult year.  I never thought I'd have to face decisions like this, at lest not for a while.  But all of life is a war against death.  And its a war we will all lose eventually.  The question is how long am I willing to fight?

5/9/25-A Guest Post

Hey all.  My name is Wade Wilson.  I am a pupper.  I sit and watch my Dad write in this blog thing all the time so I decided it might be time for me to try this blogging thing out myself.

I have been Dad's best friend for as long as I can remember.  Thinking back, we met outside a pet store a long time ago.  I was not sure about him, but he told me he would take care of me and for some reason I believed him.

We used to go on walks a lot and we even had plans to go on journeys together.  He told me that we could go out and drive somewhere (I love car rides) and explore the new area.  Think of all the new smells!  He said we could spend the night in his car (camping he called it) before we headed home.  I mostly just was looking forward to spending time with him.  Afterall, he is the Dad.

Unfortunately, something happened a couple of years ago.  Dad was always tired.  Our walks got shorter and less frequent.  He stopped talking about car camping trips.

He does his best to take care of me like he said he would.  He does say he is sorry about not being able to go on walks all the time.  And I know that if he could he would go back to the way things were.  But, as his pupper, I know it is my job now to take care of him.

After all we are best friends.  That means Wade is the best and Dad is his friend.

S&F-Apostolic Succession

In my opinion, one of the things that makes the Catholic Church special is the way we can trace our history back to its founder, Jesus Christ.  We can actually create a family tree through the bishops to the original Apostles and to Peter, the first Pope chosen by Jesus himself.  Every one of our Priests can trace their heritage back to someone close to Jesus himself.

Today the doors will be locked and we wait for the 267th Pope to be chosen.  Anyone who claims to know what happens behind those doors lies.  Of the College of Cardinals few have even been electors in a conclave before.  All Cardinals are sworn to secrecy under penalty of excommunication to not discuss any of the proceedings.

What we do know is that the Holy Spirit works through the electors to pick the Pope that Jesus choses to be the leader of his Church.  Just as 2000 years ago when He told a fishman named Simon he would be called Cephas (translated to Peter in Greek), meaning rock.  The rock on which he would build his Church.  And to him he would give the keys to his kingdom.  Whatever he was to bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

So in the next few days near the tomb where the remains of St. Peter rests, again Jesus will choose a man to lead the church.  On him he will bestow a new name, as he did to Simon.  This marks the end of this man's life as an individual and the start of his life as Peter's successor, the leader of the Church Jesus created.

S&F-Peter: The Imperfect Apostle

I think the best way to understand what I need to do to get to receive eternal life in Heaven is to look at the people who came before and are already there.  Who better to look to than the ones that Jesus himself choose, his Apostles.  If we can figure out what Jesus saw in them then maybe, we too, can figure out what to do so Jesus will choose us as well.

Who better to look towards than the one that Jesus choose to lead his Church, Simon Peter.  Afterall, if Jesus choose him to be the rock to build the Church on he must be the perfect example.

A lot is written about him in the Bible, so we do know much about him.  The surprising thing is he was far from perfect.

Peter was one of the Apostles with a family.  I'm sure there were times when he was torn between his responsibilities to his family as to Jesus.  I assume that his wife, whom we know little about, must have known and understood the importance of Jesus to allow Peter to continue in his ministry.  Afterall, behind every great man is an ever greater woman.

The thing I like most about the stories of Peter is his constant struggle with his belief.  You would think that the first Pope was immediately 100% faithful and always ready to defend Jesus.  Based on the bible this was not the case.  Peter was constantly confused by Christ's teaching.  He tried to show his faith, only to fail and to be brought beck by Jesus.  Remember, not only Jesus walked on water but Peter did as well, only to lose his faith and sink into the stormy waters.  Jesus tried to show the duty of his followers was to be a servant by washing his feet at the last supper only to have Peter misunderstand feeling he was unworthy to that treatment from the Christ.  He wanted to be next to Jesus at the Crucifixion, only to deny him 3 times.  Peter was not the perfect follower of Jesus, but he tried.

In the Acts of the Apostles something changed in Peter.  After receiving the Holy Spirit, he, along with the rest of the Apostles became proud of their faith, practicing it in the open.  They, led by Peter, healed countless people in Jesus's name.  And when they were questioned or even persecuted, they were no longer cowered in fear but confident in their convictions, delighted to share in a little of what Jesus suffered.

In Peter's case, he eventually went to Rome.  He was martyred by crucifixion, but feeling unworthy of suffering like Christ he was hung upside down.  His remains are at the foundation of the Vatican, truly the foundation rock of the Church he built in Jesus's name.

What do we learn from Peter?  The thing I get is that Peter was far from perfect.  He tried to understand Jesus, only to miss the point a lot.  He tried to show his faith, only to falter.  I have these same problems.  I don't understand the teachings of Jesus, my faith wavers at times.  But Jesus kept pulling Peter back, giving him another chance.  Jesus allowed Peter to fail, knowing this would make his faith stronger.  Jesus keeps pulling me back as well.  I just hope that eventually, with the intercession of the Holy Spirit, I can confidently proclaim my faith like Peter and the early leaders of the Church.

St. Peter, keeper of the keys to Heaven, rock of the Church, our first Pope-Pray for us.

5/5/25-See You at the Finish Line

Dad-

On this date 24 years ago we stood together on the grass near the start line of the Spring Sprint Triathlon at South Shores Park in Mission Bay.  I was getting ready to start my race when you told me, "See you at the finish line."  Little did I know you weren't talking about the finish line for that race, but the final finish line of life.

As I can see my finish line getting closer, I hope you are still waiting for me.  I can't wait to hear your special way of saying everything was "Super!"  I can't wait for us to catch up, maybe over a round of golf or something (do they have that up there?).

I hope when you look down on me you are as proud of me as a son as I am to call you "Dad."

See you soon.

Love-Matt

5/4/25-Is There Anybody Out There?

Over the years I have started many blogs.  Some have been for tracking my workouts or races (boy, that seems like a different life).  And when ever I did I would think to myself, What can I do to get more readers?  

Things like changing the look of the blog or the blog platform always came up.  I would think about changing to a photo blog where the posts would just be a daily picture with a quick caption.  I tried that one for a time.  One time I thought about doing a video blog where I would take a camera with me and comment while I worked out on my runs.  I never did that, thank goodness.

But in all my blogs I eventually got frustrated because I didn't have any followers.  Granted, I wasn't publicizing my blog at all, because I didn't know how to do so and didn't want to take the effort to do so.  My friend group was (and is) so small that I really didn't have an easy way to let people know I was even around.  And my best friends couldn't even read, since they are dogs. 

So, eventually, every blog just died.  I would lose interest in just talking to myself and stop writing.

I was thinking yesterday about this blog.  I know how many readers I have.  Is my time worth it to write my feelings down for 10-15 people?

It my not seem like I spend much time on these posts, because I'm sure they are riddled with spelling and grammatical errors, but I do.  I probably spend at least an hour thinking about, composing and editing each of these.  So I ask again, is this even worth my time?

To be honest, I would like more people to be reading these posts.  While I do believe myself to be a pretty humble person (we can debate that separately), I do have some vanity deep in me and would love to think I have people who look forward to reading my little blog.  And over the life of this blog I have seen the number go from small at the beginning to basically insignificant today.

So, what is my point here?  Is this blog going to fade into nothingness like all my past attempts at blogs?  No, I don't think so.  In some ways this blog is cathartic for me in dealing with my mortality.  But I would love some feedback from those few of you out there on the blog itself.  What can I do to make these posts better?  Are they too long?  Is the organization on blogspot to hard?  Is mixing the religious posts turning you off?  Are the posts too frequent?  Are they not frequent enough?  Basically, what can I do to make you want to come back and read my thoughts?

I don't want this blog to disappear like all my other attempts at blogging have.  I need this blog for my well being.  And I am afraid, based on the past blogs, if I don't get some feedback, I might just naturally let it fade out.  So, please, let me know you are out there.

S&F-Waiting for Healing

 

Today is the Feast of James the Lesser, and he is my inspiration for this post.

In my year with cancer, I have prayed harder and tried to become closer to Jesus and the Church.  I have read the Bible and know of numerous cases where Jesus cured the sick and even raised people from the dead.  Even after he rose to Heaven Jesus, through his followers, continued to heal the sick and lame.  There are stories of miraculous healings to this day from all sorts of ailments.

So why does Jesus, not heal me?  I'm a good guy.  At least I think I am.

Over the last several years I have become engrossed in the series "The Chosen."  It is the story of the life of Jesus and his Apostles during Jesus's ministry and eventually his death.  Admittingly, this is not a retelling of the Gospels, for the sake of the story they have taken some liberties by adding some characters backstories.  They don't refute the Gospel itself, but some of these stories are not in the Bible.  I make an effort to figure out which stories are Biblically accurate and which ones are Hollywood stories.  I do believe that the stories they add do meet the spirit of what Jesus would have done, so I'm ok with those fictional liberties.

One of the people who I really like in the show is the character of James the Lesser (played by Jordan Walker Ross).  He was one of Jesus's original 12 Apostles.  The bible doesn't say much about him other then he was called "The Lesser" to differentiate him from James, the brother of John.  The Chosen made him have a limp (mostly because the actor playing him is disabled).

In one of the season 3 episodes James askes Jesus why he heals everyone but allows him to suffer with his limp.  Jesus (Johnathan Roumie) tells him that he is seen and appreciated by God as he is.  Jesus tells him that having his disability can actually magnify God's goodness in the world's eyes.  It shows God is good even when he doesn't heal us.

Biblically little is known about the life of James.  Tradition tells us he was the first Bishop of Jerusalem, and was the author of the Epistle of James.  He was at the Council of Jerusalem about conversion of Gentiles.  As a witness to the Resurrection he is a pillar of the Church that Paul consulted about the Gospel.  AS Bishop of Jerusalem he was revered for his deep faith and prayer.  He was so respected that his followers took to calling him James the Just.  For fear of his influence he was thrown from the Pinnacle of the temple after refusing to deny Christ.  He miraculously survived only to be stoned and clubbed to death.

I, like James in the show, wish for healing every day.  But I understand that God has a purpose for me and maybe that doesn't include healing.  Maybe it is by my suffering that I can better get his better out.  I don't think my future includes stoning, but I can use him as an example of embracing what Jesus has in store for me.

Little James-pray for me.

5/2/25-The Conclave

If you clicked on this expecting a new series in my blog with movie reviews, I'm sorry to disappoint you.  This is going to be about choosing the next Pope.  I was originally going to label this as a Shephard & Friend post, but choosing a Pope is something that effects everyone, not just Catholics.

In my lifetime there has been four Papal Conclaves.  However this is the first one I really have paid any attention to.  The Catholic Church is facing issues with modern secularity, so this election could be important.  Popes seem to be chosen to respond to what issues are facing the Church at the time. What type of Pope does the Church need when the Cardinals lock the doors to the Sistine Chapel next week?

I looked up the requirements and it appears that any Baptized Catholic male is eligible.  I know someone who meets those requirements, me.  While I would have to take a pay cut and I would have to move to Italy, if I got the call next weekend I would have to do my duty as a Catholic and go.

It's unlikely that I will have to come up with a Papal Name, though Pope Stephen XI would probably be my choice for the first martyr of the Church, so I guess I have to trust the Cardinal Electors to choose the right person.

Through history there have been bad Popes and good Popes.  The Cardinals, guided by the Holy Spirit, choose the person who the Church needs to lead us through the time.  Over the last 100 years there have been Popes to lead us through wars (Pius X, Benedict XV and Pius XII), Popes to reform the Church (John XXIII, Paul VI, and Francis), fight communism and enter a new millennium (John Paul II) and focus on foundational theology (Benedict XVI).  Though every Pope has has detractors, in all cases those were the Popes that were required at the time.

I know the type of Pope I would like to see, but it pride and hubris to think I know better then the Holy Spirit what the Church needs.  Jesus built the Church on the Rock of Peter and it has lasted 2000 years based on that foundation.  It will continue long after I'm gone.

I realize this post may have become a little preachy, but I do think its is important for everyone out there, regardless of their faith, to either pray or just hope for the right person to be chosen in the next week or two.  The Pope is one of the most powerful leaders we have and can influence the world on a scale beyond just the Catholic Church.

I will be following next week when the doors are locked and be looking for the white smoke and listening for the bells of  St. Peter's Basilica.  I will celebrate when I hear the words: "Habemus Papam!" and see who walks out on that balcony.  Maybe it not be the Pope I was expecting, maybe not the Pope I wanted, or maybe he will be, but he is the Pope and I will respect him as the leader of my Church.

Oh-and by the way-there is no way I would ever watch the movie "The Conclave."  So no review coming.