9/24/24: Amber-The Little Sister

Since I became sick I have had a lot of time to reflect on my life and some of the things I have not appreciated of taken for granted.

Family, faith, friendships are big things that I don't think I ever took the time to recognize for what they have meant to me or how they have shaped me to who I am.

One of the people who I spent more time than anyone else with growing up with is my sister, Amber.  Just due to the amount of time we were exposed to each other as kids has made her a big part of becoming who I am.

We were one of the first families to be effected by divorce (as far as I can remember), so my Mom had to work.  That meant it was Amber and I together at Grandma's house every day after school.

We did spend a lot of time on Sunday's with Dad.  That meant it was Amber and I together at the 7-11 corporate office (Amber usually had to sit on the console between the seats since Dad's cars only had 2 seats) drinking Slurpees and eating Chipwitch ice cream sandwiches.

When Mom got remarried and we became part of another family who was actually great at assimilating us, I do believe there were times when it was just Amber and I.

Eventually, when Mom separated from that family again Mom, Amber and I moved into an apartment.  We were older then, but I'm sure there were times when it was just Amber and I.

 All that Amber and I time has definitely left some sort of impression on me.

But over time life goes on.  Over time and distance I think we grew apart.  I spent a long time in the Navy on the wrong coast.  We both got married and started our own families.  

I don't know if we were ever sibling rivals, but we were never as close as we should have been based on all the time we spent together as kids.  And I am mostly to blame for that.  I was never someone who was good at or even wanted to get close to people.  I still am that way to a point.  And if I can't allow my sister, genetic material we share, to be close to me that's a weakness on my part.

I have always felt that if we needed each other for anything that all the time we were together as kids would make that closeness come back.  I felt I could depend on her for me, and I hope she feels that she could depend on me if she needed anything.

I regret that, because of my closed in personality, I have never told her how proud I am of her.  She never had it easy growing up, but has made a great life for herself.  She has a great family, great job and a great home.  She is financially able to take care of Mom (something I can't say).

Over my illness she has been available to help me out with meals and other support when needed.  and that's great.  But mostly what this has shown me is that I was right about the fact that if we ever needed it we would be there for each other, Amber and I.

I don't say it enough, but I'm glad Amber is my sister and I love her very much.