S&F-The Basics of My Faith

I have been a Catholic all my life.  That doesn't mean that I have gone through different phases in my journey with and for Christ.

As a "Cradle Catholic" I attended Church and went to classes required for me to receive the sacraments.  I used my faith as a guide in determining right from wrong.  But as a child I don't think I really understood what is meant to be a follower of Jesus.

As a teen and into my 20's, there were times when I was Catholic in name only.  If asked I would claim to be a Catholic, after all I wore a crucifix, but I really only thought about Jesus for the hour a week I would spend in Church.  My actions were still morally defined by my Christian upbringing, but I never thought about how Jesus affected my life.

As I got older and started a family, I definitely became more aware of Christ's part in my day to day life.  I noticed things that I used to feel were just coincidences as sings that God was looking down on me and trying to get my attention.  I didn't always listen, but I could feel the presence of the Lord.

When Covid came in 2020 and were forced as a society to be physically separated from the church I finally understood how much being a Christian meant to me.  Being forced away from the Eucharist left a hole in my heart.  I felt a little empty inside.

Even in that time away from Church, I still struggled to listen to all Jesus was trying to tell me.  This was an opportunity to really speak to Him in prayer.  As I look back I think He tried to tell me things but I just wasn't hearing him.

Finally I am at the stage in my life where I really am starting to understand what a privilege it is to be Christian.  It took 50 years, but now I devote my first thoughts in the morning to prayer, asking for His guidance for the day and allowing Him to live through me.  I turn to him during the day in the rosary.  I end every day when I fall asleep reflecting on what I did-thanking him for what went well and asking for forgiveness in things that happened where I didn't follow his example.

I am definitely not done in my journey to be the best Catholic I can be.  In some ways I am still that child in the classes learning about God and the Bible.  The difference is this time I know how important it is to listen and understand.  I have much to learn.  I do find myself listening to podcasts or watching videos meant for children sometimes.  

I'm learning like a child, because I don't know everything about being a Christian.  And that's ok.  We should accept where we are and use what is available to gain a better understanding of God and His teachings.  Even the Saints had to start somewhere.  So if I want to become a Saint I need to start from where I am.

So should everyone, accept that is is ok to not know everything, and always be learning.  Even if you have to go back to the beginning and follow the basics.

S&F-The Privilege of Suffering

There is a lot of suffering in the world.  I don't think anyone can dispute that.  Dealing with physical pain or emotional distress is part of our life in this world.  No one wants to suffer.  God loves us. So why does God allow us to suffer?

In my case, dealing with a major medical issue does include some suffering.  At the beginning of the cancer journey I had a hard time with the physical and emotional issues that were becoming part of my daily life.  I was used to putting myself in some physical pain when I worked out and actually enjoyed the soreness that came with working hard.  In contrast, the pains that came with my medial treatments were not something I could control and led me to days of sadness and tears.

While I still do not look towards the pain that comes with the treatments, my attitude has changed.  I look to suffering as a privilege that God allows me to experience.  My pain is something that brings me closer to what Jesus went through on the Cross.  In my pain I am reminded that Jesus was scourged, crowned with thorns, hung on a cross and died for our sins.  I can't imagine the suffering he endured carrying the sins of the world on his shoulders in his crucifixion.

In our suffering in life we should look at it as a reminder that Jesus suffered for us.  It is our privilege to be asked to experience, even in a small part, what He felt on the Cross.

2/22/25-Cancer (and Life) Update

I realized I haven't posted in about a while.  I promise to get back on track.

I thought today would be a good time to just put a little update on how I'm doing and what's upcoming.  This post is going to be pretty dry, but I think its important to know where I am right now.

Since this all started last Spring I have been through a number of phases.  Back at in last May and June it was kinda touch and go.  There were definitely days when we were unsure of how long we'd continue to fight. Chemotherapy and external drainage while uncomfortable had made things more stable.  It seemed like this thing could go on for a for a little while.

At this moment the drains were internalized, meaning the bag I was carrying around wasn't necessary.  We still have external ports that need to be flushed daily.  The drains also need to be replaced every couple of months by an interventional radiologist. Chemo is being suspended temporarily.  The chemo, while fighting the tumor, also destroyed the veins in my arms.  Getting IV access for chemo was really becoming impossible.

So this week we're going to move to radiation therapy.  Basically over the next month or so I'll head in daily to have X-rays shot at the tumor.  Hopefully that will keep the growth at bay.

Long term plans are kinda up in the air.  I have clearance and have consulted with a surgeon to get a port installed that gives continuous access to my jugular vain for chemo.  My biliary drains might be fully removed if the doctors think that I am able to drain the bile on my own.

Basically, I'm learning more and more about cancer and my body every day.  I trust my care team to be honest and do what is best for me.

Day to day life is not what it used to be but it closer to what it was.  I have transitioned from being at home all the time to working limited hours.  This week I finally worked a 40 hour week.  What  I do at work depends on my fatigue for the day and where I am with treatment.  My bosses and my work group have been great allowing me to do what I am able to do day to day.

The plan for the future includes getting back into a little more exercise.  I realize I will not be able to do what I was 2 years ago but I think I can find a new limit that I can handle.  Hopefully my family life will get to the point where we are fighting he cancer in the background instead of everything revolving around my treatments.

Basically I have learned the best way to live my life is one day at a time.  Maybe I might feel tired and need to adjust my expectations for that day.  Maybe I feel good and my plan for the day should take advantage of that and change accordingly.

I'd love to wake up and find myself cancer-free.  I pray for that every day.  Where I am now I feel like the cancer is a part of my life and I need to learn to live with it and make the most of the days I'm here.  The tumor is part of me, but it is not the determining part of my life.  I am in control if it, it does not control me.

 

S&F-The Healing of Jesus

When facing a illness, especially one that could be considered a terminal one, and you are a person of faith, the natural thing to to is ask Jesus for healing.  After all, in his ministry Jesus did numerous miracles healing the sick, restoring sight and even raising the dead.  So it should be no problem for Him to heal me, right?

I heard a discussion of why Jesus needed to physically heal people 2000 years ago and how that is different today.  In the time of Jesus it disease and sickness was a main fear for people.  I don't know what the life expectancy of people was but I'm quite sure that if you were afflicted with leprosy or another sickness you didn't expect to live. long.  I think people were outcast from their communities once they were afflicted.  So, in order to provide for his followers, Jesus the Healer did what was needed and cured the faithful of their affliction.

Today we don't have the need for medical intercessions from The Lord as we used to.  Most things that would kill people 2000 years ago are not medical issues now.  So there is no need for Jesus to minister to his flock by physically curing them.  

But we are still in need of Jesus's healing today.  We are in need of spiritual healing.  Today's divisively secular world is so full of sin and lack of faith that the real danger is to our eternal soul.  And that's what Jesus offers us today.  By our belief in His message He offers us the chance of redemption.  We need to not ask for relief from physical pain and anguish, but need to look Him for repentance and forgiveness.  If we do He will heal our souls.

I am still going to ask Jesus every night to cure my cancer, but if he chooses not to and eventually calls me to his eternal kingdom, I hope I will join him with a healthy soul.  That's what's really important. 

2/9/25-Fixing the Calendar

I think we have a lot of holidays already on our calendar.  Maybe too many.  But I use my vast experience to fix it.  So here is what I propose.

1.  Memorial Day (End of May)-We may have forgotten what this holiday is really all about, namely honoring the men and women who have given their life for the country and I wish we could figure out a way to get back to that.  However it is also the unofficial start of the summer in the USA.

 

2. 4th of July-More BBQ's.  But now we also get fireworks.  My dogs hate this holiday, but it's important to celebrate the birth of a nation, our nation.

3. Labor Day (September)-This one is here to mark the end of the Summer.  It's a last chance to use that BBQ before putting it away for the winter. And a last chance to wear white.

4. Thanksgiving-Another holiday to revolve around food (and hating the Dallas Cowboys). The USA does it right.  I know that Canada tries, but their version of Thanksgiving is a poor imitation at best.

5. Christmas-As a Christian this is a tough one for me.  Its a religious holiday, so does it deserve to be on the calendar as a national holiday?  The USA was founded on Christian ideals, so I say yes.

6. New Year's Day-A holiday of necessity.  This holiday is really on the calendar to allow people to recover from a late night of drinking and partying.

7. SB Monday (Early February)-This is a new one.  Let's face it, even if you are not a football fan, watching the Big Game or the commercials is now part of our national traditions.  This would allow kids to stay up late to watch the game and their parents to recover from all the nachos and wings they consumed all day.  As President's Day has fallen off a lot of calendars, would could use this day to honor our Presidents again.

And that's it.  I know I have eliminated a couple of days.  But I have thought of that as well.  Those days are really holidays for groups of people.  So holidays like Juneteenth, Indigenous People's Day and Veteran's Day should be celebrated for those groups and they should get a holiday. 

Also, Martin Luther King's Birthday in January should be changed to not give everyone a day off (let's face it we just had 2 other holidays), but should be changed to honor him by making it a day of service.  People should get the holiday to volunteer to do something to make their community better.  From what I know of MLK I think he would support that change.

And that's it.  This post was not meant to strike controversy, and I didn't mean to offend anyone who has seen a day important to them minimized or removed in my proposed calendar.  I just wanted to have a little fun.  Enjoy the game today.  And remember, if it were up to me, you'd get tomorrow off.

S&F-St. Peter's Faith

This weekend's Gospel is Luke's narrative on the transition of Simon Peter from fishman to Apostle.  It's a fairly familiar and simple story. The question, as always, is where do I see myself in the Peter?  What can I learn from this story?

As I reflected on the Gospel a couple of things stood out.

1. Why did Simon (not yet called Peter) throw out his nets?  He really didn't know much about this man, Jesus.  He had probably been listening to him preach for a little while, but Simon had been fishing on this area his whole life.   He was an expert.  He didn't catch anything all night.  Why would he trust this man he just met to go out one more time?

2.  Why did Jesus specify going to "Deep water?"  Isn't that an unnecessary hazard?  Couldn't Jesus had made the fish appear closer to shore?

I wish I could have been there to hear Jesus.  His teachings must have been amazing in order to make Simon Peter trust him.  But I don't need to be there to hear Jesus.  His teachings are contained in the Bible.  His voice is there in response to my prayers.  I just need to be listening.

I can't be afraid to go to the deep water in today's world.  Like Jesus would protect Simon Peter from the hazards of fishing out there, he will also protect me from any hazards that might become to me as I live in his name.

Jesus made Simon Peter a fisher of men.  Maybe its time for me to learn to fish as well.

S&F-Finish Strong

 

My favorite Bible reading comes from the Second Letter of Paul to Timothy.

"For I am already being poured out like a libation, and the time of my departure is at hand.  I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith.  From now on the crown of righteousness awaits me, which the Lord, the just judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me, but to all who have longed for his appearance."

As someone who has tried to live life as a recreational athlete and completed in countless races from high school to almost the current day, I like the way Paul considers his life a race.  He realizes, like all of us, every race invariably has an end.

So the question is, how did we do in that race?  Reflecting on my race I think, for the most part, I have competed hard.  I have done my best to keep my eye on what is important- family, God and country.

One thing I learned from all those races I completed is that most people ease off near the finish line.  By working hard all the way to the end I passed many people within sight of the finish.

I can't be Paul.  But I can be inspired by his life.  I can use the energy I have left to devote to the reason we are all here, namely God.  I am here on Earth because of him and every day I live is for him.

So, like a race, its time to finish strong and make the last final kick for the finish line.  Work hard all the way through to the end.

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm looking forward to the end, because that's not the case at all.  I just think it's important to make the most of the time I am here, especially now that I can see who is waiting for me at the finish line, Jesus.  He is there waiting for me, but to quote the ending of Gladiator, "I will see you again, but not yet, not yet."

S&F-Discouragement

Part of dealing with cancer is discouragement.  The despair that comes from the constant medical treatments and tests with confusing results is just part of the process.

However dealing with discouragement and despair is defiantly not something that is limited to people with cancer or medical problems.  It is something we all deal with as part of life.

In today's Gospel we hear the story of Jesus's presentation at the temple as the Jewish Law required 40 days after the Nativity.  In hearing this gospel I was not drawn to it as a Jesus story, but as a story of Simeon and Anna.  Both of them had spent large portions of their lives going to the going to the Temple daily hoping to meet the Christ.  Both of them spent years ending their day with disappointment.  But they did not get discouraged.  They returned the next day with hope in the promise that today might be the day they would meet Christ the King.

I hope to live the rest of my days like Simeon and Anna.  Never giving into disappointment nor despair.  But I know I don't have their level of faith.  What I have is these resolutions that I can fall back on (credit to The Daily Rosary Meditations Podcast):

• Reject Discouragement: No matter how difficult the struggle, refuse to give in to despair—trust in God's power, not your limitations.
• Avoid Overconfidence: Recognize that you cannot reach heaven through your strength alone—seek God's help in every step.
• Persevere in Hope: Keep striving spiritually, following God's commandments, and trusting in His promises.

Faith in the fact that no matter how bad things seem I am never alone, Jesus is there with me, will help me through the tough times.  And he is with you too-you just need ask for his help.

2/2/25-Find a Happy Place

I have taken a couple of weeks off this blog.  There are many reasons, mostly it comes down to just two big ones.  I really haven't been inspired with something to write about and I made a conscious decision to remove myself from all social network over the last couple of weeks.

My lack of inspiration is nothing new.  I have seen that desire to write wane at times before.  I don't think that's unusual.  I really appreciate people who can write every day, either in a daily blog or as part of their job.  Because its not easy. 

As far as my moratorium from social network, that was more of a personal decision.  Social interactions via the internet have made a move back to negativity over the past couple of weeks.  I will leave that up to you to figure out why, but one thing I have learned since my diagnosis is that the energy to be constantly critical and cynical is wasted energy.  It spirals upon itself whirlpooling you into a feeling of doom and despair.  I didn't want to be dragged into that whirlpool.

When I did find myself getting frustrated by something I saw on Facebook or heard in the news I made the choice to remove myself from it by turning it off.

What is realized this week is we all need to find a happy place, free from stress and distractions.  A place where there is no judgments.  A place we can go when we just need to remove ourselves from the world and concentrate on ourselves, just being present in our own minds.

That may be an escape to nature.  Go to the quiet of the forest or the top of a mountain.  Maybe go to the beach and listen to the waves.

Maybe that place is closer to home.  Find a quiet place in your own home to listen to music or read.

Maybe it is not a place but its more of an activity.  Go for a walk.  Cook something.

Last night I realized my happy place.  It's unfortunate it took me 53 years, but I love to sit in the quiet of the Church.  It is just a place to sit and concentrate on my own thoughts.  I find that I can both feel alone but not companionless at the same time.  The people there are welcoming and I find myself wanting to become more involved with the activities in the church.

So, go find your happy place where you can go and be apart from the world.  It will help you pull out of the whirlpool of negativity.

S&F-"Teacher, Do You Not Care We Are Perishing?"

In today's Gospel Jesus and his disciples are travelling by boat thru a storm.  The boat is being battered by a storm while Jesus sits in the stern, taking a nap.

One of the disciples wakes Jesus saying:

"Teacher, do you not care we are perishing?"

Jesus wakes, calms the wind and rain, and their journey continues on the calm sea.

In my cancer journey sometimes I feel like the disciples, saying in my prayers, "Jesus, do you not care I am perishing?"

We will all face times that we feel like Jesus is not taking mercy on us and we are out on our own floundering on the seas of life.  We all face storms as we pass through our Earthly journey.  But we need to take confidence in the fact that Jesus would never put us through trails we cannot handle.  Just as he told his disciples he tells us:

"Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?"

In my journey through the sea cancer Jesus isn't asleep leaving me to face it alone.  I have no need to be terrified.  I just need to have faith.